- ABOUT ME - PAGE TWO-

Now, where did I leave off???? Well I was able to learn a few good lessons that no school book could teach me ..... lessons I always got fantastic 'grades' in. *S* Life was good, but I knew the more I snuck out & skipped, the closer I was to getting caught. Luckily I never did. Don't know how I didn't but I'm thankful because my father would have literally killed me!!!

There were times I got back to the house, crawled in through my bedroom window and got into bed just to have about 2 hours sleep (if I was lucky) before my Mom was knocking on my bedroom door to wake me up to get ready for school. UGH!!! How did I ever do it???!!!

I began to have a crush on a girl who was in the grade behind me. She didn't live too far from me & I was hooked. I will not use her name here so as not to embarrass her, so I'll refer to her as 'Missy'. Well 'Missy' & I were pretty good friends. She hung with me & the few kids I felt comfortable around. Not enough to divulge my 'secret' but enough to 'almost' be myself around. Well Missy & I started going to the movies in town. (Guess who's idea THAT was???) The balcony was perfect!! Well one day I took my leather jacket & draped it across my lap. It didn't take much time to sneak my hand under the jacket so I could 'accidentally' let my little finger touch her leg. Hmmmmmmm, she didn't move or do ANYTHING!! I then got a bit bold & slowly moved my hand on to the top of her leg. Slowly to see her reaction. Holy C-R-A-P!!! ...... she pulled a part of my jacket over to her leg & slid HER hand under it & on to MY hand!!! I was holding her hand right there in front of EVERYONE & they had no idea!!!!! Wow!!!

As most first loves, this one ended too. Seems her momma found a few 'love letters' in her purse ..... nosey b$#ch!! She called MY Mom & all hell broke loose. I won't go in to details here but her momma let the word out all over town ...... who knows, maybe even the whole county ... I dunno. I was ordered to stay away from her daughter 'or else'. I wasn't anxious to find out what the 'or else' was so the relationship, as we knew it, came to an abrupt end. Besides, her mother sent her away for that summer to GA. After that episode I made more trips back to my playground in the city to have my fun. Besides, I decided I liked older womyn. Geez, they had all the conveniences you could ask for. Most of them had their own transportation, their own places and a job. Need less to say, I got a few 'presents' from them. I Also learned plenty from those womyn & they had all the fun 'teaching' me what a womyn wanted. That was fine with me!!!

Well I made it through high school & graduated from Dover High in 1968. Then came my short stay in the US Army WAC's. I didn't even last a full year there. Got kicked out for ....... you guessed it ..... Article #89 - HOMOSEXUALITY!!! The strange thing though is that I loved the Army (figure that out .... with all the disciplinary, "I'm watching you" crap in there) but they sure as hell didn't like ME. I got out in the beginning of July 1969. Didn't move back home because I couldn't handle being around my father full time again so I moved in with a house full of friends. FREEDOM!!!

As you can well imagine, I couldn't wait to get back in to the 'city life' I loved so well. I HAD to be around others like me in order to feel more comfortable about myself. I stayed there off & on with a few friends. Worked at odd jobs to get enough money for what I needed at the time. Joined in 'statement' marches, got kicked around a few times for not hiding who & what I was but those hard knocks only made me tougher. I hated the establishment & what it tried to cram down our throats. I held within me a strong need for freedom & freedom of expression. I would lay awake at night building my hatred up for those who wouldn't accept me for who I was, those who wanted to harm me & those like me. I heard so much of what was going down in the gay clubs, saw many who have been beaten, raped, humiliated & emotionally torn apart deep inside not just by your every day citizen but even by the very people who were paid to protect those of us who became victims. That was when I began questioning organized religions & law enforcement. I was so messed up with all the unfairness around me. How could this be happening in the 'Land Of The Free"????

Hooray for the Red, White & Blue ...... blah, blah, blah .......

Blood spilled & boiled, friends disappeared, fright was the establishments weapon. It worked well but times were also changing ............... and so were WE!!! We needed to be out there holding our heads up and not running from the 'harm' that others were so willingly allowing.

It seemed that in some cases, it was okay to be gay as long as we all hid it and acted 'straight' in public. Sorta like the christians love to say, "We love the sinner but not the sin." Well I didn't think I was sinning at all since my feelings came to me so naturally. I felt I was born a lesbian because those are the only 'feelings' I have EVER had in my entire life.

There was a short time in my life that I 'tried' doing the straight thing but it only screwed me up more and more. I couldn't handle it. Just the thought of a male touching me let alone hopping into bed with me turned my stomach .... literally!! Nearly went crazy until I finally decided I was going to be ME - the gal I was BORN to be. I was well aware of the hatred out there for those of us who refused to hide the fact that we were 'different'. At the time I felt I had no choice. I suppose I really did though ..... my choosing to be who and what the Creator had 'made' me was done with full acknowledgment of the fact that I couldn't / wouldn't live a lie. So the choice to be ME was made and I have NEVER regretted it one bit.

WANT MORE? OAKIE-DOAKIE ......

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